Bill and I

A little bit about my current husband and I.

We were born in the same hospital in Tarrytown, NY.  He, two months after me.  We attended the same high school, although he only came there in his junior year.  We didn't really know each other while in school.  Our SS #s are only digits apart since we both started working the same year (back then you only got your SS card when you wanted to work).

Bill was considered one of the best looking guys in school and had his pick of all the girls.  We didn't actually meet until we both attended a graduation party in the summer of 1964.  He must have liked what he saw.  When I went to start my car when my best friend and I were ready to leave, my car wouldn't start - he had flooded the engine to prevent me from leaving!  Once my car would start, my girlfriend and I were out of there.  I had the attitude of "You didn't want to have anything to do with me while we were in school, what makes you think I want anything to do with you now?"

The next time I saw Bill, I was standing at the sidewalk of the village that I lived in, talking with a male friend.  I had just left the 'drugstore' (that's what we called it back then), after making a cigarette run for everyone that was playing cards at my friend's house.  I saw Bill driving down the road and he had seen me, making sure that I saw that he was going to want to talk to me.  I quickly said to the guy I was talking to, who also happened to be a former boyfriend, "Quick, put your arm around me a pull me close so this guy will think we're together!"  After exchanging some pleasantries, I excused myself to go back to my friend's house and the card game that was waiting.

Little did I know that he followed me and when I pulled up in front of my friend's house, he quickly pulled his car up next to mine on the driver's side, not leaving me enough room to get out of the car.  To this day, I don't know why I just didn't slide over and exit on the passenger side.  After all, there were no bucket seats in my '55 Ford!

At any rate, he told me that he wouldn't let me out until I agreed to go out with him.  I gave in and reluctantly agreed.  I think we went to the drive in that next Saturday night.  We continued seeing each other and got engaged that November.  Both of us only 18 years old.

We had our ups and downs during the engagement, even breaking it off briefly before getting back together again.

It was the age of Vietnam.  Bill enlisted in the Air Force and went off for training.  His first tour of duty was in Illinois.  My mother and I flew there, along with his mother and sister and were married in November of 1965.  Broke, young, and in love, Bill's mates provided a reception for us and we embarked on married life.  Then Bill went to Vietnam.

To Be Continued...

Traditions

We have no traditions in this 'new' family.  We have only been married for just under 4 years.  Hard to make traditions when it is that young.  What about all those 'old' traditions.

They are simply that... Old and with someone else.  We live in a very busy world these days and it is difficult to make new traditions.  It makes me sad.  Holidays are supposed to be all about traditions.  I am not in the 'holiday' mood.  I bake, as usual, but that is the extent of it.  Even the decorations haven't been put up.  What is so different about this year?

I would like to think that it is because I am not feeling well.  Bronchitis.  This too shall pass.  One can only hope that the malaise will as well.

I wish you all joy this holiday season.  Enjoy your families and the 'reason for the season'.  I look forward to July 31st, 2012 when I am officially retired and, hopefully, enjoying the remainder of my life.  It's got to be better than this.

Angry

I posted the following on Facebook today:

"If there is one thing that I don't understand and can't stand, it's a woman who thinks that a man owes her a living when she is fully capable of making her own way in the world. She just hasn't learned that living well without a man is the best revenge. Counting on him to pay your way in the world, makes you a leech and shows everyone that you can't accept your culpability in why it went wrong and why you are all alone."

 I am now going to tell my own story.  And it is a story that has made me a strong, independent woman, who doesn't need a man to complete her.

 I was living with my last husband in a little fishing village, just south of Cancun, Mexico.  We had been there just over 3 years and had been married for 21 years.  We had been through many struggles and I thought that the worst thing that could happen to me would be if my husband left me.

You see, he had me convinced that I was nothing without him.  Somewhere along the way, I began to believe him.

 It was December 14th of that year that he left on a business trip to Miami and disappeared.  I had no idea of what had happened to him.  He left me with $200, $100 that I spent on groceries the day he left, as it was my mid-month shopping trip in Cancun.

 So I found myself in a foreign country with $100 to my name, not knowing what I was going to do.  I pulled myself up, sold everything that I could and left Mexico with only $2,300 and no idea where my husband was.  I was back in the states by January 9th with no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to wind up.

But I did it.  Yes, with the help of some friends, but mostly with my own reserves that I never knew I had.  I got a job, found out where my husband was (with the help of a friend), hired a lawyer and divorced him, without asking for a dime.  I got my own apartment (furnished and without a TV).  I did without and drew on an inner strength that I never knew I had. 

I am proud to say that I never had to rely on him for anything.  Everything that I have today, I have earned.  On my own.  I did it and didn't need a man to get there.  I have a nice 401k and a pension.  I'll never be rich, but I will never need a man to 'keep' me.

My current husband's ex wife seems to think that she is entitled to LOTS of $$ even though she has a full time job.  She thinks that punishing him will make her better.  Little does she know that she has sunk to a new low.  And little does she know that you can't get blood from a stone.  If it is one thing that I have learned over the years, it is to protect my assets and not completely meld my life with someone else's, even though I would like to think that I could.  I have become smart over the years and will never let anyone else take advantage of me like my ex-husband did by trusting that they would do the right thing when the time came. 

I am self reliant and proud.

Holidays

It's that time of year again.  The Holidays.  The time of year that I regret not being around family.  No turkey dinner for us on Thanksgiving as it's just not practical for just two people.  A small prime rib, mashed potatoes and green bean casserole (just because the leftovers will get eaten).

Unfortunately, with just the two of us, it makes it seem like just another day.

No tree at Christmas.  The cats would just climb all over it, knock all the decorations off of it and possibly tip it over...  Bah humbug.  I miss not having a family to share the holidays with.  I do put decorations up all over the living areas of the house, but it just doesn't seem the same with just two people in the house.

I have found that it is harder to make lasting friendships as we get older.  Everyone seems so young and our interests just don't mesh.  I used to open my house at the holidays to those that were separated from their families and had nothing to do.  Now it seems as if everyone has something to do and it doesn't include spending time with us old folks.

It may sound as if I am depressed.  Please trust me when I say that I am not.  I just miss having a family like the 'old days'.  My mother was an excellent cook and baker.  They always flocked to our house on holidays, knowing that they would get a great home cooked meal, complete with all the fixings!  Grandmas and grandpas, aunts, uncles and cousins.  And sometimes family friends.  All were welcome.

I long for those days...

Huh?

My husband just accepted a full time job after months of unemployment.  Should be a good thing - right?  Think again.  He is now questioning retiring next year.  He thinks he may want to work for awhile before be 'head out' - are you fucking kidding me???

I'm done.  Not going to work past 7/31/12.  I want to enjoy what time I have left.  I don't want to be a slave to work anymore.  What's wrong with spending a little "ME" time?  Do I want to spend that time here, in the U.S.A. - NO!  that's a resounding NO!  I want to go to somewhere that appreciates me, not be somewhere where I am considered a burden.  Am I wrong to feel that way?  I don't think so.

We may be locking horns here.  I don't know, will have to keep you all posted.  Hopefully most of you are in my corner...

Saving...

I'm a saver.  Not a saver of money necessarily, a saver of 'stuff'.

I now have to go through all of the 'stuff' that I have saved over the years and decide what I really want to keep.  I have things that I haven't seen in years, but the thought of getting rid of them makes me shake.  What if I NEED them someday?  What if I can never replace them?

How to determine if something is important?  Are there really guidelines for this?  I know they say if you haven't touched something in 6 months, you should get rid of it.  And what happens if 6 months from now, I find out that I needed what I disposed of?

I know that I definitely want to keep all my photos that I have taken ever since I became fascinated with the photographic image some 50 years ago.  Yes, I do have photos that old.  Do I really need to keep the 4 yearbooks from high school?  What if I want to spend a day reminiscing some day in the future?  Will I regret that I disposed of them as "unimportant"?


Of course I know that there are many things that I need to let go of - video games for a system that I no longer have, gadgets that have been purchased over the years that I really didn't need, have never used and most likely will never use in the future.

I have a full week, plus a day or two off, over the Christmas holiday.  Hopefully, I will be able to struggle with all the options for all this 'stuff' then.  Wish me luck.

Where?

I'm doing a lot of reading about the different areas/cities/towns for retirement.  My target point changes almost daily.  Today I am thinking of San Miguel de Allende.  It so sounds like someplace that I want to be.  Of course I would like to go back to the same area that I lived in previously, but the prices on the Caribbean coast have sky rocketed and the whole point of the move is to be somewhere affordable.

San Miguel de Allende is in the mountains and boasts a year round temperate climate.  Not too hot, not too cold.  No need for air conditioning or heating.  My kind of place.  And of all the places in Mexico that I have been to, I have never been there.  Sounds like a 'real' adventure and a new beginning.

Of course, I am still reading and may change my mind yet again.  We'll just have to wait and see how it goes.  I seem to change my mind depending on what I am reading, and right now the book that I am reading features San Miguel de Allende.  Let me read a book about Merida and we just might wind up there as well!

I'm still dealing with butterflies as the days seem to be flying by.  I have 176 working days left before I retire and there seems to be too much that needs to be accomplished before we can set a target date.

Wish us luck and please don't recommend too many books that recommend other cities/towns in Mexico for retirement!

What Do They Know?

I find it amazing that so many people think that they know the reality of the situation in Mexico.

"Oh my goodness, why would you go to Mexico?"  "Do you know that you could get killed down there?"  "I could NEVER go there, with all that is happening!"  "It is so unsafe!"  "What about the drug cartels?"

Well, I would like to let everyone know that it is still quite safe down there.  The 'unsafe' areas are all near the border of the U.S. and in the state of Sinaloa.  We do not plan on going anywhere near Sinaloa and we feel that we will be safe in the border area as long as we start out in daylight.  I am not afraid at all.  I have several American friends that still live down there and they have not encountered any problems at all.

I embrace the idea of traveling through Mexico, I have been there before and I have no doubt that our experience will be the same.  Everyone who expresses the concerns have never been there or done what we are planning on doing.  They just believe what the media has to say about it.

My life will be better for the experience.  After all, what is life worth if we do not face our fears?  Life without experience is not worth living.  I'm just saying.

I'm Old

There is  no way around it.  I am getting older.  I have just one more month to apply for Medicare or I will face a 'penalty' for applying late.  What is wrong with this country?  If I elect to take Part B, it will cost me $115.40 per month.  Part A is free.  If I put off signing up for Part B and elect to take it later, there is a monetary penalty.  So it's decision time. 

Fortunately, as I plan to leave the country, neither is important to me.  I will be able to get full medical care in whatever country I wind up in for less than  $300.00 a Year!  What is wrong with this picture?  Does our country think so little of the people that have worked hard to make this country as strong as it is, that they take away our dignity in our old age?

So, I will apply for Part A since it costs me nothing and not worry about anything in the future.  I know that whatever country that I wind up in, they will have more reverence for their elders than the U.S. has.  They will value my wisdom and my hard work, and welcome me with premium health care no matter what.  I will be looked upon with respect instead of discarded as no longer useful.  It is the major reason for why I am leaving...

Butterflies

It has started...

I had a thought the other day of "This is it."  Time is just flying by and before I know it, it will be time to check out.  I felt a slight flutter in the pit of my stomach.  There is so much to do and so little time.  I am at the helm of it all, having done this before, I know more of what needs to be done and my husband is just following my lead.

I downloaded a new book to my Kindle and it is full of so much information about retiring to Mexico (where we will start) that I have numerous bookmarks throughout it already!  I am excited and nervous, all at the same time.  Are we doing the right thing, will it all work out, etc., etc.

I felt better today after having a discussion with coworkers about where this country is heading, given the financial and political situation.  I have acknowledged that we are going to see the crime rate go up and more and more people taking their own lives over the hopelessness of the situation.  How much can those of us that are not in that percentage of 'the wealthy Americans' going to be able to take before we crack?  I remind myself that soon it will not be a problem for us because we will be far away from it all, living very comfortably on what little money we will receive every month, along with my pension and 401k (unless the 401k is completely diminished before I retire).

I've already opened my bank account with the credit union.  Higher CD rates (even at their lowest right now) and not having to pay to use my own $$ when presenting my debit card.  I have now found out that Banamex (the national bank of Mexico) has an office in Los Angeles, where I can open an account and have funds deposited to draw on down there.  No fees and no caps on how much we can draw out!  I can keep the credit union account for the savings and CDs and just transfer over when, and if, we need additional funds.  Don't think that will be a problem if we have our SS checks deposited to the Banamex account.

So, yes, I am excited, nervous and anticipating fun and adventure over the next several months.  Stay tuned!

Life is Not Fair Sometimes

Life is not always fair.  We learn that somewhere along the way, but sometimes it hurts more than at other times.  Today is one of those days...

My husband suffered a stroke 2 years ago this month.  We made it through that crisis with flying colors.  He is back to normal, without any side affects and on numerous medications.  Unfortunately, he has not been able to secure steady work since then.  Today, he had to go to court to defend himself in not being able to pay alimony to his ex wife.  They made him fly from Phoenix to Albany, NY to appear in court for a total of 45 minutes, without the judge even asking him one question!

I won't go into all the details, but the judge refused to rule on the situation, stating that he strongly suggested that they come to some sort of settlement to prevent this from going before a jury.  She does have to provide a sworn statement stating what she did with all his belongings that she was supposed to provide to him and which, she has stated up to this point, that she gave to Goodwill, without notifying him!  Some of those belongings include silver ingots.

So, they had before them a broken man financially, who has had to borrow from me to pay for the lawyer and the trip to NY today and the judge said he couldn't rule on the situation because he didn't have enough information, even though numerous documents had been presented to prove my husband's financial hardship.  The only income he has at this point in time is his SS check of $2,100/month!

New York truly needs to revamp their divorce and alimony laws to take into consideration that she is currently working in a management position, owns a condo, all new furnishings, new car and a pedigree dog, but somehow thinks that he should be paying for her lavish lifestyle while making him suffer to support that lifestyle.

I'm going to end this now before my nasty side comes out.  I understand that previous wives deserve something, but there has got to be an end to that support within a given time frame.  Enough is enough!

I'll step down off my soapbox now.  Please forgive me for my anger over this situation.  And you wonder why I want to leave this wonderful country...

Dust Storm

Yesterday we had a bad dust storm here in the Phoenix area.  In the 18+ years that I have lived here (my goodness, has it been that long?), I have never, and I mean never, seen a dust storm like what I saw yesterday.  Usually, there is a wall of dust that comes through and then we get some rain.  Yesterday it wasn't like that.  This was a wild storm, with dust blowing everywhere where you looked.  As I have already said, I have never been in something like this.  Driving home from work at 20 miles an hour once I left the freeway, it took me almost an hour to drive 26 miles!

The only upside of the whole storm was that not only did we get rain after the dust blew through, it POURED!  I am still in awe over what I saw yesterday and the photos below document it all...

Quandries

We have 2 cats and a dog.  While I took a dog and a cat with me the last time I moved to Mexico, for some reason I am having reservations about it this time.

Our dog is not very well behaved.  My husband spoils her too much so she doesn't listen too well.  She's very smart, but listens only when she wants to.  I taught her to sit, lie down, give her paw and roll over all in a 4 day span.  But call her to come to you and you get a look like "You talking to me?  I will damn well come when I feel like it!"

The cats are lovable, but I don't know how well they would travel.  They are both rescue cats that I think are under 6 years old.  One is a lap cat to the point of being annoying and the other won't let you hold her and will only accept pets and strokes when she feels like it.  Both have their claws which could prove to be a problem in a vehicle when attempting to restrain or contain them.


So I am wondering if you have have ever had to give up a pet, however reluctantly it might have been?  Was it a difficult decision or was it easy?  Did you regret doing it?

                                    Brandi - she's half Queensland Heeler and half golden Lab

  Bitsie is the black & white tuxedo cat and Oakley, the beige one.  Sisters and companions.

                                                                  Bitsie relaxing...

                                                        Oakley with her gold eyes...

Fridays

Fridays seem to be the happiest days of the week where I work.  A true testament to working for corporate America.  Trust me - it's no fun.  You are only a number that can produce income for the corporation that you work for.  Not one person who is in a decision making position cares one iota about you, the worker bee.  Just produce, even if it means working long hours and having no personal life at all.  It's all about what you can do for 'them'.  Never mind doing the 'right' thing; please just do what will make us more money.  A very sad situation to say the least.  Greed = more greed.  How can we make more money for any one of the corporate officers that need or can spend in a lifetime?  Are you appreciated for all that you do?  No, please work harder so that we can have larger bonuses this year.  Never mind what we make - no, there will be no compensation for your hard work.  Be grateful that you have a job in this economy.  Produce, produce, produce.  Run around like there is no tomorrow or you will be out on your ass - we only need people who will do what we tell them to do!

A photo of the environment of what I call the rat's maze that I work in:

Why...

I was married for 21 years, and like many women, thought that I would be married forever, supporting each other both emotionally and financially.  Unfortunately, my husband had other ideas and left me without a dime.  For most of those 21 years, I didn't work as my husband made enough so that I could be a stay at home wife.  I thought that I was lucky to be in such a situation.  Little did I know that when my marriage ended, that I would have to start all over again with nothing to my name.  The details of the end of my marriage make most people cringe, but I won't go into them here.

So here I am, nearing retirement and I don't have much to show for my life, other than my self respect and the knowledge that I can deal with anything.  I have a very modest 401k and pension, based on the short 11 years that I have spent with the company that I work for.  It will not be enough to support me when I retire, to say the least.  My current husband did nothing to prepare for his retirement at all, having spent all his married life supporting a wife and 6 kids.

Which brings us to the reason why we are leaving the country.  There is just no way that we can afford to stay here in the U.S.

We bought a house almost 3 years ago and qualified for the $8,000 incentive that the government offered.  It still sits in the bank where it was deposited in case something came up within the 3 years and we had to leave the house and give the money back.  We plan to put the house up for sale, fully furnished, including TVs, pots & pans, dishes - EVERYTHING will be left here.  We will only take our clothes and precious items (photos, letters, etc.).  Whatever we need, we will buy when we get there.

I need to go to the bank soon to find out how we can manage our finances after we leave.  I plan on doing that during the next couple of weeks and will post what I am advised once I do.

Yearnings

I remember my 4 years in Mexico with great pleasure and yearning, even with knowing that it will never be the same as it was then.  This, all while my marriage at the time was coming to an end.  I didn't want to leave Mexico then, but had no choice.

Many people want to know why I want to go to Mexico with all that is happening with the drug cartels down there.  I still have friends down there and they tell me that they are not experiencing those problems in that area.  People don't seem to realize that most of the problems are near the border with the U. S. and other remote areas.  I have no fear that there will be any problems.

The problem is how to avoid the border areas going into Mexico.  We are still looking into that issue.  The year that I left Mexico (1993), they had started up a ferry that went from Tampa, FL to Playa del Carmen, MX.  They offered travel with your vehicle and you could also book a cabin, if you chose.  I just recently found out that the company folded after that year.  I just found out that the route has been purchased by a new company and expects that they will be up and running sometime next year.  I can only pray and keep my fingers crossed that this is true.  It would certainly be the solution to the problem.

The other thing is that Mexico may only be a starting point for us.  Who knows where we will end up?  The possibilities are endless.  Belize, Costa Rica, Panama, etc.  I just know that we can't afford to stay here on what we will be getting from SS.

I promise to be as diligent as possible in my postings.  I ask forgiveness if I miss a day here and there.  I also ask forgiveness if I ramble on in my postings.  More to come...

The beginning...

The decision has been made.

Having already lived outside of the U.S. for 4 years, and knowing that it is next to impossible to live on SS within the U.S., we will be heading south of the border to find our piece of paradise.

I lived in Mexico, south of Cancun, in a little fishing village by the name of Puerto Morelos back in the late 80's.  I loved it there and hated leaving it when the time came.  In just under 4 years, I learned enough Spanish to make my way through the grocery store and to also get around.  I have no doubt that I will be able to become fluent enough to carry on a conversation in Spanish.  I look forward to it and embrace the opportunities that are ahead of us.

My blog is to be an attempt to take anyone who is interested, along for the ride and learn from our mistakes and triumphs.  I will attempt to be diligent in my postings, but please have patience since I am still working full time and maintaining a household.