Angry

I posted the following on Facebook today:

"If there is one thing that I don't understand and can't stand, it's a woman who thinks that a man owes her a living when she is fully capable of making her own way in the world. She just hasn't learned that living well without a man is the best revenge. Counting on him to pay your way in the world, makes you a leech and shows everyone that you can't accept your culpability in why it went wrong and why you are all alone."

 I am now going to tell my own story.  And it is a story that has made me a strong, independent woman, who doesn't need a man to complete her.

 I was living with my last husband in a little fishing village, just south of Cancun, Mexico.  We had been there just over 3 years and had been married for 21 years.  We had been through many struggles and I thought that the worst thing that could happen to me would be if my husband left me.

You see, he had me convinced that I was nothing without him.  Somewhere along the way, I began to believe him.

 It was December 14th of that year that he left on a business trip to Miami and disappeared.  I had no idea of what had happened to him.  He left me with $200, $100 that I spent on groceries the day he left, as it was my mid-month shopping trip in Cancun.

 So I found myself in a foreign country with $100 to my name, not knowing what I was going to do.  I pulled myself up, sold everything that I could and left Mexico with only $2,300 and no idea where my husband was.  I was back in the states by January 9th with no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to wind up.

But I did it.  Yes, with the help of some friends, but mostly with my own reserves that I never knew I had.  I got a job, found out where my husband was (with the help of a friend), hired a lawyer and divorced him, without asking for a dime.  I got my own apartment (furnished and without a TV).  I did without and drew on an inner strength that I never knew I had. 

I am proud to say that I never had to rely on him for anything.  Everything that I have today, I have earned.  On my own.  I did it and didn't need a man to get there.  I have a nice 401k and a pension.  I'll never be rich, but I will never need a man to 'keep' me.

My current husband's ex wife seems to think that she is entitled to LOTS of $$ even though she has a full time job.  She thinks that punishing him will make her better.  Little does she know that she has sunk to a new low.  And little does she know that you can't get blood from a stone.  If it is one thing that I have learned over the years, it is to protect my assets and not completely meld my life with someone else's, even though I would like to think that I could.  I have become smart over the years and will never let anyone else take advantage of me like my ex-husband did by trusting that they would do the right thing when the time came. 

I am self reliant and proud.

Holidays

It's that time of year again.  The Holidays.  The time of year that I regret not being around family.  No turkey dinner for us on Thanksgiving as it's just not practical for just two people.  A small prime rib, mashed potatoes and green bean casserole (just because the leftovers will get eaten).

Unfortunately, with just the two of us, it makes it seem like just another day.

No tree at Christmas.  The cats would just climb all over it, knock all the decorations off of it and possibly tip it over...  Bah humbug.  I miss not having a family to share the holidays with.  I do put decorations up all over the living areas of the house, but it just doesn't seem the same with just two people in the house.

I have found that it is harder to make lasting friendships as we get older.  Everyone seems so young and our interests just don't mesh.  I used to open my house at the holidays to those that were separated from their families and had nothing to do.  Now it seems as if everyone has something to do and it doesn't include spending time with us old folks.

It may sound as if I am depressed.  Please trust me when I say that I am not.  I just miss having a family like the 'old days'.  My mother was an excellent cook and baker.  They always flocked to our house on holidays, knowing that they would get a great home cooked meal, complete with all the fixings!  Grandmas and grandpas, aunts, uncles and cousins.  And sometimes family friends.  All were welcome.

I long for those days...

Huh?

My husband just accepted a full time job after months of unemployment.  Should be a good thing - right?  Think again.  He is now questioning retiring next year.  He thinks he may want to work for awhile before be 'head out' - are you fucking kidding me???

I'm done.  Not going to work past 7/31/12.  I want to enjoy what time I have left.  I don't want to be a slave to work anymore.  What's wrong with spending a little "ME" time?  Do I want to spend that time here, in the U.S.A. - NO!  that's a resounding NO!  I want to go to somewhere that appreciates me, not be somewhere where I am considered a burden.  Am I wrong to feel that way?  I don't think so.

We may be locking horns here.  I don't know, will have to keep you all posted.  Hopefully most of you are in my corner...